Crushed by Christmas

Christmas is everywhere and it's in full force.

It all started just before Halloween. The holiday decor hit the stores and slowly started to be arranged on the shelves and then BAM! November 1st came and Christmas was everywhere.

I'm a huge Christmas lover, but something about it this year just has me feeling different. I have a big suspicion that the feeling is the fact that I'm a mom now. This will be my first Christmas as a mom and it's brought up some new feelings that I'm not sure how to describe.

Christmas is an overwhelming time for many people, and I definitely fit into that "overwhelmed mom" bucket this year. Between Christmas shopping and getting my Christmas cards put together, addressed, stamped and mailed out, and dealing with my son's random case of barf and diarrhea has just put me over the top this week. My husband and I have had to miss work, eating away at our PTO time and our baby's illness has been unpredictable and yucky for everyone involved. He's still not sleeping through the night and the longing I have for a full night's sleep feels like it will never be fulfilled.

Relatives have asked what they should get him for Christmas and I've given them all of my ideas... to the point where I literally have nothing left to get him. I'm OK with that, because he's only 10.5 months, he's not even going to remember this Christmas. He's not going to know who gave him what, or what we're even celebrating, but um, shouldn't I get my son something for Christmas? And then the mom guilt kicks in. Yikes...

Then I start thinking about the planning of the season. The maneuvering from house to house with a diaper bag, a baby in boots, a jacket, hat and mittens, and a dog in tow with his bag of dog food and shock collar for when he acts up. Where are we going to be when Finn needs his nap? Will he even fall asleep there? If he doesn't he'll be super crabby for the rest of the day and we'll probably have to dip out early so we can get him home to sleep in his own crib (Thanksgiving... it happened. Teething baby screamed the entire way home.)

I read an article about "Mom Burnout" and how many moms get to the point where they are just crawling through their day until they get to go back to bed. Then you get up in the morning and do it all over again. And that's where I'm at. I've reached a level of burnout that I have never reached before. There's no other word to describe how I'm feeling than exhausted.

Although my 10.5 month has been throwing up and filling his pants for a week straight now, he is so stinking happy and adorable all the time that I just can't even be upset about it! If it weren't for his smiles I don't think I would be nearly as happy as I am. And even though I'm happy, dealing with everything that comes along with Christmas this year has been difficult. The to-do list seems endless, my house is a constant cleaning project, work is busy and on top of all of that, it's cloudy and cold. And it makes me feel gross, tired, and just plain blah.

So how do you get out of a funk like this? When you're feeling overwhelmed with chores and to-do lists, and the weather's got you feeling down... what do you do to relax your mind and lift your spirits? And if "escaping" off to a spa or faraway land isn't an option, what do you tell yourself everyday so that you're not just 'getting through the day' but you're actually embracing it? I know there are some words of encouragement out there, so please, throw them at me!

Love, Meg

Happy Mama

So here's the deal. It's been 1.8 million days since my last blog post and wow, I have a lot to catch you up on.

I feel guilty about not keeping up with this blog. It's something that I love to do, writing. And something that I truly miss. But I think the reason it's been so long since I've written is not because I don't want to, or don't have time to.

I think it's because I'm truly and sincerely happy.

I tend to write out my fears, concerns and problems when they arise. It's not like I haven't had any over the last year, trust me, there have been a lot. But the difference is I'm finally content.

A few years ago, when I was in the abyss of my anxiety, I had hit the lowest of lows. I still can't pin-point exactly what I was feeling, but I know that one thing's for sure: I was afraid of how I felt. I was constantly thinking about what was next. Am I doing the right thing in my career? In my relationships? In my heath? Why am I always questioning everything? Do other people think this way? Do other people think this much? Is there something wrong with me?

Day after day I continued to see the light. I knew that there were better days ahead. I didn't know how I was going to get there or what it was going to be like, but I knew that God had something better planned for my life than this fear and worry. I prayed everyday, not for a stress-free life, money, or even everyday joy. I prayed for simple contentment.

All I wanted was to be content. All I wanted was to just be, and not overthink what I was doing. I wanted a job where I felt content. I wanted to be able to come home, hang out with my husband, make dinner, watch tv, and do all of it without fear or questioning whether I was in the right place or not.

And here I am. Winter of 2018 and I can tell you that I am happy, and I am content.

con·tent·ment

/kənˈtentmənt/

noun

1. a state of happiness and satisfaction.

In January, we welcomed our first baby, Finnick (Finn). Over these last 9 months, both my husband and I have been forced to live in the moment for our son. At any given moment he could need a bottle, a diaper change, a nap, a onesie change or just for us to play with him. Whatever he needs is our priority, and his needs are constantly changing.

Having a child has given us not only the opportunity to live in the moment, but to think entirely of someone else's needs above our own. This child is beautifully and wonderfully made, and is destined to do amazing things in his life, but right now, he relies solely on us and needs our undivided attention at all times. And honestly, there's nothing I would rather do than give it to him. 

It sounds so cliche, but ask any of my friends... I've wanted to be a mom for my entire life and I think now that it's finally happened, I feel complete. I have literally given life to someone, and I know that this is what I was meant to do. 

Becoming a mom was alway on my internal "checklist" for my life. But now that I've checked that box, I'm realizing that being a mom doesn't mean you birthed a child. You can't just check a box and boop, you're done. Being a mom is forever. This is something that cannot be undone, there's a strict no return policy on children and being a mom isn't something you can 'un-be.' This is who I am now and this is the biggest part of my life, and I think it's going to be the best part ❤️

Finding Balance

Well hello there, stranger. It's been a while since my last blog and I feel like I owe it to my followers to give you a proper update of my life journey :)

Sometimes we get hooked on certain ideas, passions, hobbies and habits. One thing I've learned about myself is that, very often, I become fully invested in new projects for a period of time and then after a while, I just stop. 

I started making journals and selling them on Etsy in 2013. After a while, I lost interest and felt like I was doing a whole lot of work and not really making enough money to cover the costs of making the journals. Making the journals started to feel more like a chore than a hobby I actually enjoyed. Then I started designing stationery and selling those on Etsy. That actually did pretty well, and I did enjoy it, but once we bought our house I had to close my Etsy shop. With working full time and remodeling our house in every spare minute we had, this didn't leave me much time for hobbies. Another great example of my habit-breaking cycle is this very blog.

I started this blog as an outlet to express my experiences, feelings, advice and fears. I found it very helpful to tell the world about my personal struggle with anxiety and my journey into adulthood. From getting married, to moving, to getting a puppy, to a new job, these past few years have been a whirlwind of changes and exciting growth. So I started this blog to tell all the other twenty-somethings out there that if you are feeling overwhelmed, beaten down, and like you just aren't sure if you're going to make it through these crazy years, that I'm here with you. And I know it's hard.

I've heard that what happens in your twenties, does not necessarily stay in your twenties. What we do now, the decisions we make and the habits we commit ourselves to, will very likely stay with us the rest of our lives. Our fitness routines, our eating habits, what we do in our free time, and even the way we carry ourselves in the workplace are very likely to follow us through adulthood.

So I've decided that I'm not done yet. I refuse to stop blogging because I've maybe lost a little motivation to do so. I refuse to not tell the world about my experiences because... what if I'm helping someone? What if someone reading this doesn't feel so alone because of what I'm writing?

So here's the update. Here's what's going on with me.

It has been about 7 months since my husband and I moved into our new house and it's been about 9 months since I started my new job. I love both and I feel incredibly blessed to have a home, a steady job, a husband and a dog to love, and all at just 26 years old.

But just because my life is starting to take form, doesn't mean I don't have struggles. There are still many days that I think to myself, What the hell am I doing? Am I taking the right steps to get where I want to be in life? And where is that exactly? So many people are starting to have kids. Should we be trying to have kids right now?

I also criticize myself very often. I find myself thinking things like, Why are you so tired? You should be working out more. You should be eating healthier. You've gained some weight, you know. You really need to clean up the house, when was the last time you even cleaned the bathrooms? Instead of relaxing, watching tv, you should be working on something productive, like blogging, working on Etsy, or doing something that needs to get done around the house.

But then the other side of my brain kicks in, telling me that I work hard all week, and I deserve to relax.

These are the days of my twenties. These are the days post-marriage, but pre-babies. These are the days that I know I should enjoy, before kids come along and ruin everything (haha! kidding...kind of.) I should sleep in, go shopping with my friends, go out with my husband, go out to the bars and go dancing with friends on the weekends, and really, just do whatever the hell I want.

But these are also the years that are so important and I really don't want to waste them away. This is my time to build my career, focus on my health and everyday habits, work on getting our house into a state that we feel is truly home.

I have this constant battle with myself every day. To work, or to relax? That is the question.

And I think I already know the answer. The answer is in just one word: Balance. Work your butt off, but then relax. Watch a movie. Do a puzzle. Have a glass of wine. Make yourself a malt and enjoy it, dammit! Then get back to work.  It's the yin and yang of life. What goes around comes around. I'll be damned if I don't work to my full potential during these years, but I'll also be damned if I don't let myself enjoy this time and celebrate my twenties.

Lastly, here's a house update. Since I haven't shared updated pictures since August, I decided I'm FINALLY going to put together our before and after comparison photos. I will share them with you as soon as I have them ready! I just need to clean up the house a bit one of these days so I can take the after pictures! ;)

Your friend,

Meg

The Big Move - August Update

Wow, it has been almost two months since my last blog post! We have been working on renovating our new home for over THREE MONTHS while living with my husband's parents and finally yesterday, we moved in! As per requested by many friends and family, I've finally put together an update along with some pictures to show you the progress!

Here's a little refresher of what the house/kitchen used to look like.

 

Here's a list of the things we have accomplished since we bought our home:

1. Removed wall between living room and kitchen
2. Kitchen tear down
3. Carpet removal from living room and 3 bedrooms
4. Base boards removed from entire upper level
5. Wood floors laid in kitchen (wood floors were already everywhere else, underneath the carpet that we tore out)
6.  Lights wired to each bedroom
7. Canned lighting installed in kitchen
8. Smoke detectors and CO2 detectors installed
9. Trim primed twice, then painted twice on every window and door frame (white)
10. All ceilings on upper level scraped and changed to knock down
11. All bedrooms, living room, kichen and "sitting room" painted
12. All doors removed, painted white, then re-installed with new hardware/handles
13. New white base boards added thoughout
14. Backyard rock removed and transferred to crawl space in basement (AKA: our radon infested death trap)
15. Bush/shrub removal, general clean up in backyard

Here's a list of what we plan to continue to do within the coming months

1. Kitchen cabinets installed (in 1-3 weeks...hopefully!)
2. Replace linoleum entry ways (2) with tile 
3. Possibly add carpet to "sitting room/fireplace room"
4. Paint Dining room table and chairs
5. Tree branch removal (2 huge branches are looming over our house waiting for the perfect moment to crash down and kill us!)
6. "Master" bathroom reno
7. "Guest/Main" bathroom reno

And here are some pictures of the progress we've made!

 

Tearing the wall down (May 7, 2016)

Kitchen's coming out! (May 14, 2016)

Wall and kitchen completely out, wood floor is now exposed.

 

Removing base boards...

 

Wood floor laid in kitchen and first coat of paint on the walls (July 13, 2016)

 
And the painting commences! Andrew working on the guest room

 

 Our room

 

First coat of stain down on the floors (July 22, 2016)

 

Second coat of stain immediately after it was applied. (July 23, 2016)

 

All moved in, this is our gourmet kitchen! (August 13, 2016)

 Someone is feeling very comfy in our new home!

And that's where we're at! All moved in and continuing the projects. More to come soon :)

The Drama of Overwhelm

Wow, it's been a month since my last post. And what a month it's been!

This past month has been filled with all kinds of twists and turns to our lives. Luckily, they've all been good twists and turns! My husband and I have been working on our new house renovations like crazy. It's coming along quite nicely and we're starting to see the house look like an actual home, rather than a massive dump of sheet rock, dust, unfinished walls, and floor boards.

Last year, I had the pleasure of reading You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero. I couldn't find it in the pile of boxes in my in-laws basement to tell you the specifics, but there is a chapter called "The Drama of Overwhelm". I want to talk about that. This particular chapter has run over and over in my head this past year. I'll get to that later...

As far as the house goes, the ceilings have all been scraped and are ready for our ceiling and wall guys (what do we call those guys? Contractors? Tapers? Wall and Ceiling Professionals?) to do the knock down ceilings. Our walls are almost ready for painting, the wood floors will be laid in the kitchen tomorrow, and the rest of the main level will be sanded and prepared for staining this week and next. Next week we'll also start painting the main living space, kitchen, bedrooms and bathrooms. Then, the floors will be finished and then hopefully we can start moving in!!

It's been a whirlwind of a month; going to work during the week, working on the house during the weeknights, fitting in weddings, cabins, and other plans on the weekends. And in the midst of all of this, I decided I didn't have enough going on so I should just get a new job too.

I started my new job a week and a half ago. I have officially strayed away from the Graphic Designer role and have taken on a new undertaking as a Marketing Coordinator at a small, family-owned jewelry company that specializes in unique wedding bands made out of deer antler, meteorite and dinosaur bone. So not only is this a new job, but it's an entirely different role than I have ever been in. Those of you that don't really know the difference, see below:

Graphic Designer: the art or profession of visual communication that combines images, words, and ideas to convey information to an audience. Typically uses a Mac computer.

Marketing Coordinator: Markets products by developing and implementing marketing and advertising campaigns; tracking sales data; maintaining promotional materials inventory; planning meetings and trade shows; maintaining databases; preparing reports. Typically uses a PC computer.

Yeah... so that's completely new. Of course I've worked on marketing teams as a graphic designer, so it's not like I'm going in totally blind, but this is still a new territory for me. I'm no longer working on a mac, which as any graphic designer knows, is catastrophic. Luckily, I have my mac at home so I can continue to keep my skills fresh :). I'm also no longer doing much layout and design/production work either, which will take some getting used to.

I'm not writing this blog post to tell you about the updates on our house renovations, or to complain about working on a PC or describe to you how different this new job is compared to my last job. I usually try to make a point in my blogs and I want to make sure I get to it.

I'm overwhelmed. I have a LOT of changes going on in my life and my brain struggles to keep up. We are renovating a new home, living with my in-laws, taking our dog to puppy/obedience classes, and on top of all of that, I decided to start a new job in a new field. Taking on all of this information and responsibility is draining, exciting, exhilarating and overall, exhausting.

I would encourage you to read You Are A Badass. It's a great book, easy to read and the author is hysterical. Since I can't find my book since I'm currently living out of boxes, I have no other details from the chapter but I will tell you this. The name of the chapter I'm referring to, "The Drama of Overwhelm", says it all. Because that's what being overwhelmed is. It's all drama. Yes, you have a lot going on. We all do. But the way you choose to think about it and the way you decide to deal with the responsibilities in your life is just that. A choice.

This week was hard. I thought, I've bit off way more than I can chew. This is too much at once, too new, too overwhelming. I need to schedule time just to breathe. I haven't seen some of my friends in months. Why did I think we could renovate a home, live with the in-laws, train our puppy, get a new job and do it all with flawless ease? What was I thinking?

And that, my friends, is the drama of overwhelm.

We let all of these things in our lives build up to this mountain of responsibilities. The weight pushes down on our chests like an elephant and we consider these responsibilities a burden and an annoyance.

But step back. Are these responsibilities bad things? Are they progressing you forward and getting you to where you want to be? Will they help you become who you want to be?

In my case, I know my responsibilities are great things and yes, they are progressing me forward in my personal and professional life. But I still get overwhelmed by the amount of time and energy spent on these things. That is why it is so important to step back and do what you need to do for your health and for your happiness.

For instance, tonight I had the option of going to do some more work at our house, or staying home, blogging, drinking wine and catching up on Pretty Little Liars on Netflix. There is so much I could be doing at the house, but obviously I chose the latter. I'm already feeling happier, more energized and ready to finish out my week on a positive note. By taking time for yourself, you're doing you (and everyone else) a favor by relaxing and re-energizing so you can be the best you!

Do what's right for you. Are you tired, exhausted, drained, angry, depressed, anxious or any other negative feeling? If so, you need to pencil in some you time and take care of that shit.

Your friend,

Meg

What I've Learned From Our First Year of Marriage

My husband and I got married 1 year ago today.

Today also marks our 8 years of being together. It's been an amazing year filled with craziness, love, changes and growth.

Here are some of the things I've learned this year:

• Love
  A simple hug out of nowhere is always a good idea

• Listen
  Sometimes we get so caught up in ourselves and our own daily routines. But listening to the other person is more important. Ask how their day went and actually listen. Sounds simple, but this can be difficult when we're distracted by our own thoughts.
  
• Be Patient
  Just because he says he will do the dishes today, does not always mean they will get done today. Just because he says he will clean the bathroom this weekend, does not always mean the bathroom will get cleaned this weekend. If you want it done NOW, that's your problem. Sometimes, things can wait. If there's something you want done now, do it yourself or ask him until he gets so annoyed that he finally just does it :)

• Laugh
  Be silly. Laugh at funny things. Laugh at things that make you mad. When everything seems to go wrong in one day, laugh about it. It makes a stressful day so much easier to get through.
  

• Do Your Chores
  Keep up on household work. Split the chores and decide together when you'll get them done.
  
• Tag Team
  One of you can go to the grocery store while the other cleans out the garage. One of you can take the dog for a walk while the other does the laundry. I'm not a firm believer that the man does the outside work while the woman does the inside chores. We are both fully capable of doing both of these chores (except mowing the lawn. I don't plan on doing that any time soon.) Work together to get your big projects done faster.

• Compromise When It Comes to Family Holidays
  This year, we made his family a priority for Christmas and my family a priority for Easter. We always try to make it to all of the get-togethers around the holidays, but we've learned to make one meal a priority, at the next house we will just have drinks, snacks & dessert.
• Discuss Finances Often
  We decided to sit down at the computer once every couple of months to see where we're at with finances. How much are we bringing in? How much are things costing us? Is there anywhere we can cut back? What are we saving up for? Keeping communication open when it comes to finances is so important. Don't make any major purchases without discussing together first.
• When It Comes to Work...
  Work is work. It's not life. If you had a bad day, discuss it, but don't drag it on for the rest of the night. You only have a few hours together a day. Use your time together wisely. Relax, watch a funny show or play a game to lighten your grumpy spirits.

• Make Plans to Relax
  Life gets busy. Decide on a day that you're going to do nothing but relax for a solid 4-5 hours. We often do this on Sunday mornings. My husband likes to get up early-ish, watch tv and play video games while I like to sleep in, eventually crawling out of bed to have my coffee and pretty much just look out the window while petting my dog. It's so wonderful and recharges us for the week ahead!

• Discuss Your Faith
  Talk about how blessed you are. Talk about how amazing it is that God has gotten you to this point in your life. Discuss your worries and your fears but then remind each other that God is in control. And most importantly, pray for each other.
  
• Go On Dates
  Go out to lunch or dinner and actually sit at the restaurant. Don't go through the drive through. Don't pick up take-out. Go somewhere (somewhat) nice and sit down together and have a conversation without cell phones. It's pretty great. 

• Remember To Do Your Own Thing
  This is something my husband and I have done our entire relationship. We are individuals with different interests. You need to make yourself happy before you can make someone else happy. I like to go shopping with my mom or spend a weekend watching movies and going out dancing with my girlfriends. My husband likes to golf with his brother and go hunting with his dad on the weekends. So do what makes you happy, then come together at the end of the day and tell each other about your day.

• Remember That You're On The Same Team
  You're in this together. Even when you're mad at each other, you both want the best for your marriage and your lives. Try to remember that.

And here's one more special tip. I've asked my husband to provide one thing he's learned this year and he came up with a really good one that I hadn't thought of:

• Be Flexible
  Life moves so fast and things are always changing. Be open to change and stay flexible.

I hope you enjoyed these special tips. We're no marriage experts but we sure do know how to love. We're so lucky to have had amazing family and couples in our lives to look up to. Here's to many more years of life and love together!

Your friend,

Meg