I wouldn't consider myself the most patient person in the world. Throughout my life, I've learned how to get things done fast, the way I want it and NOW. I like quick results and fast projects. I like checking off an entire to-do list within a matter of hours - not days, weeks or months.
I realized this about myself a few years ago when I was constantly getting comments from co-workers about how fast I was getting things done for them. I never realized how much faster I was working than everyone else, I just thought that's how everyone worked. Although they were happy with my ability to get things done so quickly for them, there were a few times when details would slip through the cracks and I would need to re-do my work. I've had more than one person kindly tell me that although I work efficiently and my work is highly accurate (most of the time), I should slow down and double check my work.
Around that same time of my life, I found myself impatient with other people and irritated when others didn't view things the same way I did. I didn't understand why my parents would tell me the way I should do things, or why my teachers would drag their lectures on and on about what I perceived to be meaningless things. I also noticed how some people were so patient and kind. Even though they did things a bit slower, their work got done and they were happy with that. They weren't frantically racing through things just to get them done. They were engulfed in their project rather than attempting to do 5 things at once, just so they could check it off the list today.
When I realized that I was maybe not the most patient person in the world, I specifically remember going to bed one night and praying for patience. God, help me to be patient. Help me to slow down and see all of the wonderful things that are happening NOW. Help me to be a patient person who can relax and enjoy life, one day at a time, waiting on your timing and not my own.
Boy did I have a surprise coming for me. Soon after, the company I was working for began crumbling. We all knew we were going to be laid off, but when? The process of waiting lasted for a full year before we were finally laid off. During that year, I bought a house, got engaged, got a new job, planned a wedding, and had to be patient over and over and over again. A strong feeling of anxiety built up within me and I kept praying that it would pass and I would wake up one day feeling back to myself, back to "normal." But I didn't.
Day after day, the grueling process of learning my limitations and fears continued. The process of learning about anxiety - how to deal with it, stop it, accept it - hasn't really ended, and I don't think it ever really will. But what I have learned is that it is not up to me when or if this anxiety brain of mine ends. God has given me this amazing opportunity to be patient, to trust Him and know that He is here through all of my worries and fears.
Over the past year, my husband and I have set a goal to be more patient as a team. Last month, we listed our home for sale and began the search for our next home. There have been weeks when we have viewed homes every night, sometimes two or three per night. So far, I think we've seen upwards of 30 homes. Keep in mind, that we still have a puppy who is only 5 months old. After being in a kennel all day while we're at work, we can't just leave him in there all night too. So after work, we pick up the dog, drop him off with whoever is willing to watch him, go somewhere to pick up fast food for dinner and race to our next showing. While we have been waiting for our home to sell and looking at a million and one homes all month, my husband looked at me the other night and said, "Man, God sure is testing our patience these days, isn't He." I just looked back at him and said, "He sure is."
When our home finally sold last week, we were so excited. This means that we get to make an offer on any house that we find that we like! Well, last weekend we finally found a home that we felt was the one. It needed a lot of work but it was in a city and neighborhood that we absolutely loved. After much deliberation, we finally decided to make an offer on the home. We were so excited. But then our offer was declined. The homeowners wanted too much for their home than we believed it to be worth. I guess it's back to the drawing board.
So here we are. We close on our home in a month and we don't have a new home lined up yet. We do have family we can stay with until we move into our new home, but it just wasn't exactly what we had in mind. We were hoping to find our new home and sell our old home simultaneously. But even after all of this craziness that has pursued over the past month, I recognize that this is just another opportunity to be patient. I find myself opening my eyes, looking around and soaking everything in. I know that we will find the right home for us when the time is right. Being patient throughout this process has given my husband and I the freedom to feel happy and excited, trusting that it will happen when the time is right. What a liberating, stress-free feeling -- to relax and know that everything is going to work out.
On the day that I prayed for patience a couple of years ago, God was certainly listening as He always is. He has given me so many opportunities to be patient and I can confidently say that I am more patient than I have ever been. I am more patient with myself, more patient with others and more patient with God and HIS timing. This is something that I now truly believe is the key to happiness. Trusting God and waiting on Him, regardless of what you think should be happening right now in your life.
My challenge for you this week is to recognize when you could be more patient. Notice when you are feeling impatient and attempt to turn that around. Then, notice when you are excelling at patience, and reward yourself for it. Patience takes practice, give it some time.
Your friend,
Meghan
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