The Power of Patience

I wouldn't consider myself the most patient person in the world. Throughout my life, I've learned how to get things done fast, the way I want it and NOW. I like quick results and fast projects. I like checking off an entire to-do list within a matter of hours - not days, weeks or months.

I realized this about myself a few years ago when I was constantly getting comments from co-workers about how fast I was getting things done for them. I never realized how much faster I was working than everyone else, I just thought that's how everyone worked. Although they were happy with my ability to get things done so quickly for them, there were a few times when details would slip through the cracks and I would need to re-do my work. I've had more than one person kindly tell me that although I work efficiently and my work is highly accurate (most of the time), I should slow down and double check my work.

Around that same time of my life, I found myself impatient with other people and irritated when others didn't view things the same way I did. I didn't understand why my parents would tell me the way I should do things, or why my teachers would drag their lectures on and on about what I perceived to be meaningless things. I also noticed how some people were so patient and kind. Even though they did things a bit slower, their work got done and they were happy with that. They weren't frantically racing through things just to get them done. They were engulfed in their project rather than attempting to do 5 things at once, just so they could check it off the list today.

When I realized that I was maybe not the most patient person in the world, I specifically remember going to bed one night and praying for patience. God, help me to be patient. Help me to slow down and see all of the wonderful things that are happening NOW.  Help me to be a patient person who can relax and enjoy life, one day at a time, waiting on your timing and not my own.

Boy did I have a surprise coming for me. Soon after, the company I was working for began crumbling. We all knew we were going to be laid off, but when? The process of waiting lasted for a full year before we were finally laid off. During that year, I bought a house, got engaged, got a new job, planned a wedding, and had to be patient over and over and over again. A strong feeling of anxiety built up within me and I kept praying that it would pass and I would wake up one day feeling back to myself, back to "normal." But I didn't.

Day after day, the grueling process of learning my limitations and fears continued. The process of learning about anxiety - how to deal with it, stop it, accept it - hasn't really ended, and I don't think it ever really will. But what I have learned is that it is not up to me when or if this anxiety brain of mine ends. God has given me this amazing opportunity to be patient, to trust Him and know that He is here through all of my worries and fears.

Over the past year, my husband and I have set a goal to be more patient as a team. Last month, we listed our home for sale and began the search for our next home. There have been weeks when we have viewed homes every night, sometimes two or three per night. So far, I think we've seen upwards of 30 homes. Keep in mind, that we still have a puppy who is only 5 months old. After being in a kennel all day while we're at work, we can't just leave him in there all night too. So after work, we pick up the dog, drop him off with whoever is willing to watch him, go somewhere to pick up fast food for dinner and race to our next showing. While we have been waiting for our home to sell and looking at a million and one homes all month, my husband looked at me the other night and said, "Man, God sure is testing our patience these days, isn't He." I just looked back at him and said, "He sure is."

When our home finally sold last week, we were so excited. This means that we get to make an offer on any house that we find that we like! Well, last weekend we finally found a home that we felt was the one. It needed a lot of work but it was in a city and neighborhood that we absolutely loved. After much deliberation, we finally decided to make an offer on the home. We were so excited. But then our offer was declined. The homeowners wanted too much for their home than we believed it to be worth. I guess it's back to the drawing board.

So here we are. We close on our home in a month and we don't have a new home lined up yet. We do have family we can stay with until we move into our new home, but it just wasn't exactly what we had in mind. We were hoping to find our new home and sell our old home simultaneously. But even after all of this craziness that has pursued over the past month, I recognize that this is just another opportunity to be patient. I find myself opening my eyes, looking around and soaking everything in. I know that we will find the right home for us when the time is right. Being patient throughout this process has given my husband and I the freedom to feel happy and excited, trusting that it will happen when the time is right. What a liberating, stress-free feeling -- to relax and know that everything is going to work out.

On the day that I prayed for patience a couple of years ago, God was certainly listening as He always is. He has given me so many opportunities to be patient and I can confidently say that I am more patient than I have ever been. I am more patient with myself, more patient with others and more patient with God and HIS timing. This is something that I now truly believe is the key to happiness. Trusting God and waiting on Him, regardless of what you think should be happening right now in your life.

My challenge for you this week is to recognize when you could be more patient. Notice when you are feeling impatient and attempt to turn that around. Then, notice when you are excelling at patience, and reward yourself for it. Patience takes practice, give it some time.

Your friend,

Meghan

Minnesotans Coming Out of Hibernation

As Minnesotans, we know the pain of getting out of our nice, heated cars and stepping out into 10 degree weather; holding our breath, clenching all of our muscles while we sprint inside to the warmth. We spend as little time outside as possible during the course of our winter months. If you stand near the front inside entrance of any given store on a cold, winter day, watch the people walk in from the outside. The shock, the horror, the redness on their cheeks. They look mortified, scared and out of breath. Their eyes watering, their noses running, They look like they're thinking, "What kind of fresh hell is this that we live in?"

Winter in the Midwest is not a joke, and as much as we pride ourselves in being able to handle 18 inches of snow and negative temps (no, we will NOT cancel classes), after Christmas is over, we've had enough of this cold. The breathtaking temperatures and shorter daylight times that we endure makes us tense, bored inside our homes and ready to go on vacation to somewhere warm.

When winter begins to thaw, and the grass starts to turn green again, Minnesotans emerge from their deep, dark hibernation. We crawl out of our caves, squinting at the sunlight, remembering what it feels like to be warm. Suddenly, there are people everywhere; walking their dogs, taking their kids to the park and sweeping off their porches. Over the past couple of weeks, I've been reminded what bon fires, dirt and rain smell like and oh, what lovely smells they are! The first day it hit 60 degrees was last week. I literally saw a little girl running around her front yard in her swimsuit while her dad filled up the kiddy pool for her. Yikes, I think it's safe to say we're all desperate for summer!

Of course there are many beautiful things about Minnesota winters, but right now, I want to focus on the beauty of spring. With the warmer weather peeking it's way through the clouds, I've noticed a huge change in my mood, my motivation and my energy levels.  What a difference a little bit of sun and a warm breeze can make. I wake up, see the sun peeking through my curtains and think, I've gotta open those! It's beautiful out! Suddenly I'm ready to get up, have my coffee and start the day with a positive attitude. Over the winter, that is much more difficult to do. For some reason, the sun gets us up and out. Moving and creating. Running around and living. I feel alive again! I can breathe! Rather than rushing into a building or to my car to get out of the cold, I can take my time, look around, and breathe in the fresh air. Think about that, how much fresh air do we really breathe in during the winter? Hardly any! We're cooped up inside breathing the same stuffy air as our co-workers and families. No wonder we're all sick throughout the winter. Ick.

What are your favorite things about Springtime? Here are mine:

1. The smell. I know it mostly smells like worms and dirt, but I can't help it. I love it! It's fresh and beautiful and honestly, it's one of my all-time favorite smells.
   
2. The sun. In the winter, we don't get much daylight. We get up, it's dark. We come home from work, it's dark. We go to bed, and the next day we start all over again. We rarely get to enjoy the big, bright ball in the sky. In the spring, we come home from work and it's still light out. I can take the dog for the walk, open up the windows and doors and feel that warmth shining on me.
   
3. The projects. Spring inspires me to start new projects. Whether it's a new art project or something that needs to get done around the house, I love the idea of getting up (somewhat) early on a Saturday morning to start a new project. Hopefully soon, my husband and I will buy our new home, then the spring projects will be endless! By then, I'll probably be sick of them ;-)
   
4. The urge to clean. I love cleaning and organizing in the spring. Going through old stuff and sending it all off to Goodwill to make more room in our home is so refreshing. With the windows open and the radio on, I'll get my cleaning all done in a day, and then take a nap.  Ahhhh...
   
5. The anticipation of summer. Just knowing that summer is only a couple of months away is amazing. Thinking about warm weather, going to the cabin, and long summer nights spent with friends outdoors is so exciting! Not to mention, now is a great time to kick our workouts into high-gear for the swimsuit season. Working out = endorphins, endorphins make you happy. And you know what that means!

They just don't!

Your friend,

Meg

Run Your Day, Or Your Day Will Run You

This weekend I went to a positivity workshop that was put on by HappiHaven. We discussed happiness, positivity, creativity, journaling and hand-lettering. How fun! It was a great group of women discussing the power of happiness and how sometimes, it's not always super easy to be happy or to just be in the moment. Check out HappiHaven's facebook page here. This workshop inspired me to write today's blog post.

Last week my husband and I were running around ALL week. Between us and our house-hunt and having showings at our townhome as well, we were gone every night. It was a crazy busy week and I guess my body had had enough of that nonsense. I've had a cold for 5 days now. Yesterday was the worst day and I actually had to stay home from work. I laid on the couch all day, thinking I would just catch up on some Netflix shows. But then I fell asleep for a few hours. I guess my body needed the extra rest. I haven't had a cold in 2-3 years, so this hit me hard. While I laid there on the couch, my mind kept trying to think of things I could be doing. Laundry, dishes, vacuum, write a new blog post! Make some new Etsy designs! Then I realized I was too tired to do any of that. Oh yeah, I'm sick. I have to just lay here if I want to get better.

Even though I'm finally feeling a bit better, I still woke up this morning feeling cranky. What kind of crap is that? To wake up and immediately feel crabby, tired and not ready or motivated to start the day. I really don't want this to be another motivational, "You can make today GREAT!" posts, because honestly, some days it's really, really hard to make the day great. But I DO want to talk about how you can at least TRY to start your day out right. 

Some days just plain suck, some are mediocre and some are seriously awesome. Sometimes you just wake up feeling great and don't even have to try. Those are the best days, aren't they? But when you wake up and don't feel super awesome, what do you do?

Often our minds wander into this dark place where everything is crap. We look out the window and it's gloomy. What's the point in being cheery if it's not going to even be sunny outside? Ugh, today is going to stink. I don't want to go to work. My hair looks like crap, this bun is not working! I just want to stay home all day and watch Netflix.

When I woke up this morning though, I realized I had a choice. I could stay in this awful mood and let it take over my day and possibly the rest of my week, OR I could just try really hard to make it a good day. I've been reading a lot about positive self talk and it's amazing how what we tell ourselves can make or break our day, week, month and life. So when I was in the shower this morning I said to myself, "Let's make today a good day. I'm sick of being sick. I want to be fun Meghan today. I'm feeling a little better, so let's kick off this Wednesday with a positive mood to carry through into the weekend. I'm going to have some half-caff coffee to give myself a little boost. Then I'm going to go to work and kick some ass. Get some shit done. It's going to be awesome! Here we go."

And even though I woke up feeling crappy, this self talk really worked. I motivated myself enough to just TRY to be positive. Being happy isn't always easy. It doesn't always come naturally and sometimes, it can be really hard. The more I've grown up, the more I have experienced this new relationship with happiness. The stresses of life and adulting can weigh us down and take over our thoughts. We have to make time to be positive and motivate ourselves. If we don't, responsibilities and stressful situations can weigh us down and make us forget our happiness.

We get so caught up in comparing our happiness to the happiness of others, mainly through social media. We see other people going on vacation, getting married, having babies, buying houses, getting puppies, buying new cars, having a blast with their awesome families at their awesome cabins. We think, Wow, that person has it all. They must be so happy. I want to be like them. But keep in mind that most people are only posting the happy parts of their lives. Not many people take to social media that they had the crappiest day ever... their dog died, their pants split down the middle because they've gained ten pounds since their significant other dumped them and then they spilled ketchup from their burger down the front of their new, white t-shirt. Next time you see someone post something awesome about themselves on social media, remember that they could have farted in front of all of their co-workers in a quiet conference room today. They just didn't tell you because they didn't want you to know that their life sucks just as much as yours.

Being happy takes work. Just because someone makes being happy appear easy and effortless does not mean that they woke up that way. It may have taken that person a long time to be able to feel that way, so let's all remember that our own individual happiness is up to us and no one else. Even though I woke up in a bad mood today, I knew that I had the power to try to change that. And through positive self talk and a changed mindset, my day wasn't so bad after all. It was actually pretty darn good.

Your friend,

Meg

Be Still

Well, it's official. I got my first tattoo this weekend! Here it is and here's the story behind it:

I wasn't always sure about tattoos. Something permanently on your body? Forever? Through life changes, pregnancies, weight gain, aging and eventually becoming old with saggy skin that completely deforms the shape? Hmmm...
There was never anything that I felt strongly enough about to engrave permanently onto my body. But this year, I found it.

As most of my readers know, I have been dealing with some anxiety these past 2-3 years. Not the normal anxieties and worries that everyone has on a daily basis. Crippling anxiety. When it started, it was terrifying. I didn't know what was happening and had no idea how to handle it. It started with the crumbling of the company I worked for. Then I bought a house, got engaged, lost my job, planned a wedding, found a new job and got married. That's a lot in just one year. No wonder I was losing my mind.

The anxiety was all day, every day. I would tremble, my heart would race, and so did my thoughts. My brain was all over the place and at times, it was hard to tell what was real. I had a hard time focusing and prioritizing my to-do lists. I was constantly scared for the next part of the day. In the morning, I was nervous about later that night, but then later that night, I'd be nervous about the next morning. I went to doctor appointment after doctor appointment trying to find the right treatment for me. Doctor bills were adding to the pile of wedding bills. This did not help.

I tried to fight the anxiety. Scratching and clawing at the walls screaming, Get me out! Get me out! 
Somebody help me! Why am I going through this? How do I make it stop? I read books on anxiety and how to stop panic/anxiety attacks. I used essential oils and got monthly massages. I went to yoga and started zumba classes. I thought, Why is nothing working?!
 
Through these moments of frantic racing around and panicking, I had no idea that all I needed to do was Be Still. God does the fighting for us, we need only be still. And with that, I give you the basis of my tattoo:

"The LORD will fight for you. You need only to be still."
Exodus 14:14

I've always been close to God, but a major "faith moment" in my life happened when I was 15. I went to Summer Fest, a youth, faith-based summer camp for teens and my life was changed. I "found God," if you will. Since then, I've been a firm believer in the power God and the power of faith.

Faith can get you through the darkest of times. I can now say that I've experienced this first-hand. I was crawling along, completely positive that my life was heading down this dark path. I felt like I was going to feel this way forever. Scared, nervous, confused, unsure about life... Everything felt pointless. Life was so stressful and I could feel it beating me down. The anxiety took over my mind and told me lie after lie after lie. "You're weak," it would tell me.

But down that long, dark tunnel filled with thorns and monsters, I saw a light. A tiny little light telling me, "These thoughts aren't real. This is an experience that is going to shape your mind and your spirit. God is teaching you to think in a new, innovative way that will prepare you for your future. You are strong and you will get through this. Some day you'll be able to help others because of this experience. Keep pushing."

As time went on, I learned how to cope during anxious moments and what worked for ME when it came to dealing with the anxiety. All day, every day, I prayed. I prayed for strength. I prayed for courage. I prayed for clarity. I literally prayed for help breathing. I was so confused about why this was happening to me and how I was going to make it out alive. How on earth am I going to get through this and come out a better person? I can hardly even breathe without reminding myself how to. God, help me to see the light.

The experiences that I have had these last couple of years have permanently and forever changed me as a person, and I wanted something to remember it by. Although the experiences were not pleasant, they were necessary for me to become who I am today. They have shaped this period of my life which will lead me into the rest of my life as an adult.

It was because of this faith that I made it through. There were many moments when I thought, How do people who don't have faith in God make it through times like this? Or people who don't have a good support system- friends and family? How do they survive anxiety and/or depression? Why was I so blessed with this family, this husband and these friends? Why am I one of the lucky ones who is given every tool I need to get through this experience? There's a reason I am here and there's a reason I am going through this.

There will always be hard times in life. We need to remember that the Lord is fighting for us. We need only to be still. This tattoo is my reminder.

Your friend,

Meg