What I've Learned From Our First Year of Marriage

My husband and I got married 1 year ago today.

Today also marks our 8 years of being together. It's been an amazing year filled with craziness, love, changes and growth.

Here are some of the things I've learned this year:

• Love
  A simple hug out of nowhere is always a good idea

• Listen
  Sometimes we get so caught up in ourselves and our own daily routines. But listening to the other person is more important. Ask how their day went and actually listen. Sounds simple, but this can be difficult when we're distracted by our own thoughts.
  
• Be Patient
  Just because he says he will do the dishes today, does not always mean they will get done today. Just because he says he will clean the bathroom this weekend, does not always mean the bathroom will get cleaned this weekend. If you want it done NOW, that's your problem. Sometimes, things can wait. If there's something you want done now, do it yourself or ask him until he gets so annoyed that he finally just does it :)

• Laugh
  Be silly. Laugh at funny things. Laugh at things that make you mad. When everything seems to go wrong in one day, laugh about it. It makes a stressful day so much easier to get through.
  

• Do Your Chores
  Keep up on household work. Split the chores and decide together when you'll get them done.
  
• Tag Team
  One of you can go to the grocery store while the other cleans out the garage. One of you can take the dog for a walk while the other does the laundry. I'm not a firm believer that the man does the outside work while the woman does the inside chores. We are both fully capable of doing both of these chores (except mowing the lawn. I don't plan on doing that any time soon.) Work together to get your big projects done faster.

• Compromise When It Comes to Family Holidays
  This year, we made his family a priority for Christmas and my family a priority for Easter. We always try to make it to all of the get-togethers around the holidays, but we've learned to make one meal a priority, at the next house we will just have drinks, snacks & dessert.
• Discuss Finances Often
  We decided to sit down at the computer once every couple of months to see where we're at with finances. How much are we bringing in? How much are things costing us? Is there anywhere we can cut back? What are we saving up for? Keeping communication open when it comes to finances is so important. Don't make any major purchases without discussing together first.
• When It Comes to Work...
  Work is work. It's not life. If you had a bad day, discuss it, but don't drag it on for the rest of the night. You only have a few hours together a day. Use your time together wisely. Relax, watch a funny show or play a game to lighten your grumpy spirits.

• Make Plans to Relax
  Life gets busy. Decide on a day that you're going to do nothing but relax for a solid 4-5 hours. We often do this on Sunday mornings. My husband likes to get up early-ish, watch tv and play video games while I like to sleep in, eventually crawling out of bed to have my coffee and pretty much just look out the window while petting my dog. It's so wonderful and recharges us for the week ahead!

• Discuss Your Faith
  Talk about how blessed you are. Talk about how amazing it is that God has gotten you to this point in your life. Discuss your worries and your fears but then remind each other that God is in control. And most importantly, pray for each other.
  
• Go On Dates
  Go out to lunch or dinner and actually sit at the restaurant. Don't go through the drive through. Don't pick up take-out. Go somewhere (somewhat) nice and sit down together and have a conversation without cell phones. It's pretty great. 

• Remember To Do Your Own Thing
  This is something my husband and I have done our entire relationship. We are individuals with different interests. You need to make yourself happy before you can make someone else happy. I like to go shopping with my mom or spend a weekend watching movies and going out dancing with my girlfriends. My husband likes to golf with his brother and go hunting with his dad on the weekends. So do what makes you happy, then come together at the end of the day and tell each other about your day.

• Remember That You're On The Same Team
  You're in this together. Even when you're mad at each other, you both want the best for your marriage and your lives. Try to remember that.

And here's one more special tip. I've asked my husband to provide one thing he's learned this year and he came up with a really good one that I hadn't thought of:

• Be Flexible
  Life moves so fast and things are always changing. Be open to change and stay flexible.

I hope you enjoyed these special tips. We're no marriage experts but we sure do know how to love. We're so lucky to have had amazing family and couples in our lives to look up to. Here's to many more years of life and love together!

Your friend,

Meg

Homeless... kind of

My husband and I officially sold our town home and are moved in with his parents. We close on our new home in just TWO DAYS! Excited is not a big enough word to describe how we feel.

Although the closing of our new home will be here soon, it has not been the easiest road to get here. We looked at 25+ homes before we found the one that was perfect for us. There were a few times when I was ready to make an offer on a home but my husband wasn't. There were times when HE was ready to make an offer on another home, but I wasn't. This process has definitely tested our patience with not only trying to find our home, but with each other.

In March, we found a home that we both loved. It was a rambler with 3 beds, 2 baths, a two-car garage, a fenced-in yard with another two stall garage in the backyard for boats, toys, etc. and a basement that was mostly finished with lots of room for improvements. The upstairs needed a lot of work including new floors throughout, a new kitchen and updates to the bathroom. Since there was a lot of work to be done, and the home was on a busy street, we felt the asking price was too high. We decided to go in quite a bit lower with our offer. The seller came back with a counter offer just $2,000 under their asking price (we asked for almost $20K under the asking price). Needless to say, this home didn't work out for us.

After searching and searching, our realtor told us about a home that just came on the market one day. We went to see the home the next day and immediately decided to put in an offer. The home was a rambler in a quiet cul-de-sac in one of our favorite cities in Minnesota. There are 3 beds/2baths a large fenced-in backyard for our pup, a 3-season porch, and a huge unfinished basement. The home was listed at a great price, and since this was a home with multiple offers, we needed to go in with our highest and best offer. We ended up asking $12,500 over the asking price, and our offer was accepted!

After our inspection, we learned that there were a few things that needed to be repaired/replaced in the home. Items such as outlets, smoke detectors, insulation in the attic, etc. We had a radon test done in the basement which ended up with very high results, due to a crawlspace exposing the earth to the inside of the home. Here's the lowdown on radon:

• Radon is a gas that you cannot smell, taste or see. 
• Forms naturally when uranium, thorium, or radium, radioactive metals, breaks down in rocks, soil and groundwater. 
• People can be exposed to radon primarily from breathing radon in air that comes through cracks and gaps in buildings and homes.  
• When you breathe in radon, radioactive particles from radon gas can get trapped in your lungs. Over time, these radioactive particles increase the risk of lung cancer. 
• Radon is the second leading cause of lung cancer after cigarette smoking.  

Sounds tasty, right? Wrong. Radon can be removed from the home by installing a radon mitigation system which can cost upwards of $1,500. When a test like this comes back, buyers always ask the sellers to take care of the problem before they move in, and the sellers do. Usually.

After the inspection, we asked the sellers to drop the price of the home by $2,500 to cover the cost of the mitigation system and the other things in the home that needed attention. They responded with a swift, "No thanks." and immediately our excitement over a new home turned into disappointment.

Keep in mind we had already offered $12,500 OVER the asking price and the sellers still refused to go any lower. The previous owner of the home was an elderly woman who passed away, leaving the estate to her children, 1 woman and 2 men. I was told that the woman was making the primary decisions in the case of the home.

We really wanted the home so although we were angry and upset, we decided to move on with the closing process. After a few weeks I just couldn't take it any longer. I did research about radon and what the standard procedure is for removal. After multiple websites told me, "The seller should cover the cost and get this fixed before you move in," I decided to write the sellers a letter.

I told them our story; How we can't wait to move into the home, our puppy will finally have a backyard and we will get to start our family here. I explained how rare it is for buyers to cover the cost of something that is so hazardous to their health when moving into a new home and politely asked them to reconsider covering the cost of just the radon mitigation system (forgetting about the other things in the home that need to be replaced for about $1,000). I included pictures of us, our puppy and thanked them for reconsidering.

After a couple of days, they finally responded with, "You're getting a really good deal on the house, so our final answer is no."

UGH!

There are things in life that I just don't understand, one of those things being inconsideration. 

Inconsiderate: [in-kuh n-sid-er-it]: without due regard for the rights or feelings of others. 

I felt completely baffled by the idea that even though we were paying so much more over their asking price, they were choosing to be so greedy and not considering the standard selling procedure or the health of the people moving into their home.

Being someone who often cares a little too much about what other people are thinking or feeling, this is something I could not wrap my head around. There are things in life that I just will never understand and if I've learned anything in my adulthood so far, it's that life isn't fair. Things happen for no reason all the time, and you have to just deal with it.  In this situation, I could let it affect me, cry about it, yell, scream and rant on and on about it.  Or I could say, You know what? This is ridiculous. I will not let this situation ruin my day. I've done everything I can to express how I feel and after rejection (twice), I will not be a victim of this person's greed. I will be the bigger person here and choose to move on with my life.

At the end of the day, I am proud of the person I am. I am proud of the person my husband is. If other people choose to disregard our feelings or well-being, that's ok. We'll survive. You're not always going to be treated fairly in life, but it's how you deal with it that shows your true character. It's not easy, but practice turns to habit and habit turns into a lifestyle. Choose this lifestyle.

Since we got the home under our budget, we have room for some renovations. After discovering that there are wood floors under the carpet in the living room and bedrooms, we've decided to remove the carpet, refinish and stain the original wood floors. We will also be removing a wall that separates the living room from the rest of the home, creating an extremely open floor plan. This will make the space feel completely different, I can't wait to see how it looks when that wall is gone! After the renovations are complete and we're all settled into our new home, all of this home-selling, home-searching and home-buying drama will be behind us, and the road we traveled to get there will have been SO worth it!


Your friend,

Meg