It all started just before Halloween. The holiday decor hit the stores and slowly started to be arranged on the shelves and then BAM! November 1st came and Christmas was everywhere.
I'm a huge Christmas lover, but something about it this year just has me feeling different. I have a big suspicion that the feeling is the fact that I'm a mom now. This will be my first Christmas as a mom and it's brought up some new feelings that I'm not sure how to describe.
Christmas is an overwhelming time for many people, and I definitely fit into that "overwhelmed mom" bucket this year. Between Christmas shopping and getting my Christmas cards put together, addressed, stamped and mailed out, and dealing with my son's random case of barf and diarrhea has just put me over the top this week. My husband and I have had to miss work, eating away at our PTO time and our baby's illness has been unpredictable and yucky for everyone involved. He's still not sleeping through the night and the longing I have for a full night's sleep feels like it will never be fulfilled.
Relatives have asked what they should get him for Christmas and I've given them all of my ideas... to the point where I literally have nothing left to get him. I'm OK with that, because he's only 10.5 months, he's not even going to remember this Christmas. He's not going to know who gave him what, or what we're even celebrating, but um, shouldn't I get my son something for Christmas? And then the mom guilt kicks in. Yikes...
Then I start thinking about the planning of the season. The maneuvering from house to house with a diaper bag, a baby in boots, a jacket, hat and mittens, and a dog in tow with his bag of dog food and shock collar for when he acts up. Where are we going to be when Finn needs his nap? Will he even fall asleep there? If he doesn't he'll be super crabby for the rest of the day and we'll probably have to dip out early so we can get him home to sleep in his own crib (Thanksgiving... it happened. Teething baby screamed the entire way home.)
I read an article about "Mom Burnout" and how many moms get to the point where they are just crawling through their day until they get to go back to bed. Then you get up in the morning and do it all over again. And that's where I'm at. I've reached a level of burnout that I have never reached before. There's no other word to describe how I'm feeling than exhausted.
Although my 10.5 month has been throwing up and filling his pants for a week straight now, he is so stinking happy and adorable all the time that I just can't even be upset about it! If it weren't for his smiles I don't think I would be nearly as happy as I am. And even though I'm happy, dealing with everything that comes along with Christmas this year has been difficult. The to-do list seems endless, my house is a constant cleaning project, work is busy and on top of all of that, it's cloudy and cold. And it makes me feel gross, tired, and just plain blah.
So how do you get out of a funk like this? When you're feeling overwhelmed with chores and to-do lists, and the weather's got you feeling down... what do you do to relax your mind and lift your spirits? And if "escaping" off to a spa or faraway land isn't an option, what do you tell yourself everyday so that you're not just 'getting through the day' but you're actually embracing it? I know there are some words of encouragement out there, so please, throw them at me!
Love, Meg
