The Challenge

We're all presented with challenges in our life. Whether it be challenges at work, with family members or with ourselves and the thoughts running through our heads. Rather than ruminating over every little detail of the challenge and wondering what caused it or what we could've done to prevent it, let's accept this challenge.

Challenges often present themselves to teach us a lesson and make us better in the long run. So I like to think of these challenges as gifts from God and growth opportunities, not punishments. Think of your challenge like a long-term class project, and the ultimate goal is getting an A.

My challenge these days is staying in the moment and relaxing. There used to be a time when I had no problem relaxing. I was floating around doing whatever I wanted, not thinking twice about it. Just living life. That's it. I didn't even know it, but life was so EASY back then.

Now, with new responsibilities (work, house, dog, bills, big adult dreams and such) it's gotten a little difficult for me to fully enjoy a relaxing moment. I love laying on the couch after a long day at work, but I don't feel super relaxed and I wouldn't say that I'm really enjoying it. I'm thinking about the show, or what happened during my day and I feel exhausted. I'm really tired - rather than relaxed and enjoying the bliss that is a carefree moment.

On the weekends when I'm not quite as tired, sure I'll relax a bit, but I'm always thinking about what I could be doing around the house or what errands I should run now that I've got some time. Even something as simple as driving in the car can feel stressful at times. There's a lot going on in my head, thinking about everything that needs to get done or everything that we need to do this week. 

Something that I've been working on is mindfulness. Being in the moment and focusing only on what you're doing in that moment. This can be incredibly difficult when you want to make sure that everything is under control and rolling along smoothly. It can also be difficult when you have a lot of energy and wish you had the ability to do twenty things at a time.

This week I have felt this new challenge present itself to me. I believe I was in my car at the time, but suddenly I became very aware of the fact that I felt tense. I wasn't running late for something, I wasn't on my way to a potentially disastrous situation. I just felt tense. I realized that here I was, driving down the road in my car, but my mind was completely somewhere else. I was not thinking about my speed. I was not making sure that I was driving as safely as I possibly could. If a car was about to run into me, I certainly would not have seen it coming.

A good friend once told me: We were made to take things as they come, deal with situations in the moment. We can't constantly go through life trying to prepare ourselves for the next thing.

I felt my shoulders relax as I came into the present moment and I thought: This is a challenge for you. Be here. Be mindful. Being mindful isn't always easy, but it is necessary if you want to live a calm, content life. It is necessary if you want to learn how to stop overthinking and it is especially necessary if you want to learn how to kick those anxious thoughts in the ass. Go away anxious thoughts, I'm trying to live over here.

Stay in the moment, and every time you start to feel like your thoughts drift somewhere else, remember that the only moment you have is the one that you're currently in. This present moment is all you have, and as much as you try to mentally prepare yourself for what's next, you'll never really know what's going to happen when you get there.

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to fret about a situation, perhaps a job interview or someone close to you having a baby? But when you're actually in the job interview, or you're at the hospital meeting the newborn baby, you're completely calm, in the moment and handling life as it comes, in this moment?

See?...you didn't need to prepare yourself for this moment. Because your current self is handling it!

If you catch yourself overthinking or feeling tense, don't fret. This is normal. But tell yourself to accept this challenge. This worrying and overthinking isn't who you are and this isn't going to get you where you want to go. So accept the challenge of being present. Accept the challenge of kicking other thoughts out of the way so you can just be. Accept the challenge of not constantly preparing yourself for what's next.

Lastly, don't forget to catch yourself being mindful. Notice those times when you are feeling completely in the moment, and reward yourself for them. Way to go, me. You're being awesome today.

Your friend,

Meghan

"What do you do?"

Who am I? What am I doing here? What are my strengths and weaknesses? These are questions that I've been considering A LOT lately. Now that I've been out of school for a couple of years and am no longer considered a "student", what am I? A "worker"? Ugh...

When we're out in a social setting, meeting new people, one of the first questions we are asked is, "What do you do?"

Ummmm What do you mean what do I DO? Like all day? Well when I drive I listen to music in the car. I watch Teen Mom too much. And, I mean, I drink decaf coffee with way too much hazelnut creamer every morning, but I'm not sure that's what you're looking for here....

Oooh you mean my occupation. So I'm a graphic designer. What does that tell you about me? That I've earned a degree in something and now that's what I do to make a living. Does that tell you anything about who I am? Not really. 

One might assume that because I'm a graphic designer, I'm super into fonts and I only listen to out-of-the box music. I hate main-stream bands and I spend my time on the weekends designing logos in the smallest coffee shop I can find. I have tattoos and piercings in places you wouldn't even dream of and I know every art museum in town like the back of my hand.

1. First of all, eclectic and "out-of-the-box" music is OK, but I can (and will) bust a move to Justin Bieber and Meghan Trainor better than all ya'll. 
2.  I AM super into fonts. That wasn't a lie. 
3. I don't remember the last time I was in an artsy coffee shop and 
4. I don't have any tattoos. Not yet anyway. I have piercings but only in appropriate and comfortable places above the neck. 
5. I live in Minnesota and I've never even been to the Walker Art Museum so let's not even consider that stereotype.

We're constantly being put into buckets. It starts at a young age when we begin to make friends and compare ourselves to those around us. Are you a popular kid? Get in that red bucket over there. A band geek? You're in the blue bucket over there. A jock? An art freak? A Mathlete? (Thank you, Kevin Gnapoor)

 

 

Sometimes on American Idol, a contestant comes out and has this different voice...something like blue grass music with a touch of jazz to their voice. Or a bubbly pop girl sings with this raspy rock & roll tone to her voice. The judges struggle to define this person. What genre should this person be in? They're trying to come up with a word, or 'bucket' to put this person in but they can't so they say, "I'm not sure this competition has a place for you" or "I'm not sure you'll do well on this show" and the contestant goes home alone with their enormous bundle of talent, all because they didn't fit into one of the 4 or 5 buckets that are available.  

This is why I'm not a fan of that question, "What do you do?" Because what I do to make a living is not what I live for and it's not who I am. It doesn't tell you enough about my personality and it's not how I define myself. I don't want to be permanently placed into a bucket with a sterotype based on what I do for a living. I don't even know if it's what I will be doing 2 years from now.

What matters is what you do AFTER work. What you think about while you're at work. Who you spend your time with. What you say to them and how you say it. When it's only Tuesday and you text your friend asking if they want to come over and drink wine on Friday because you're already looking forward to the work week being over so you can hang out, talk about your week, laugh, drink and watch movies. We work to live, we don't live to work.

Don't get me wrong, I want to excel in my career just as much as the next gal. My point is this: don't get caught up in a workaholic life. In the U.S. we work more than any other country. We work longer days, are given less vacation days and we are later to retire. Only about one third of American workers consider themselves happy while at work and a quarter of us are working over 50 hours a week. 

What is the deal? Why are you giving all of yourself to this job? If you love it and you truly believe you are making a difference in something you care about, then by all means, please do it! For me, I'm not sure if I'm there yet. I don't know if I will be in this profession forever, but I do know that I don't want to be defined by it. I want to be defined by the kind of person I am and how I treat others. Both in and out of the workplace.

Yes, working is important. We all need to work to make money so we can survive and stuff. And yes, you should try your best at every job you have and try to excel in your career as far as you can. But this doesn't need to be how you define yourself to others, unless you want to. 

I look forward to the day when someone asks me, "What do you do?" and I have the guts to respond with, "Well....I'm a graphic designer. But I'm also a kick-ass mom, a loving wife, a great friend and I love writing and giving hugs. That's what's important to me. What do you do?" 

Your friend, 

Meghan

 

What Inspires You?

Inspiration : the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially to do something creative. 

With all of the negativity in the media, on our Facebook news feed and even on the TVs at the gym (where we go to ESCAPE this madness.... AmIRight?!), it can be hard to stay inspired. We're constantly bombarded with negativity that the positive and beautiful things get buried. This is why it is so important to recognize what inspires you and make it a regular occurrence in your daily life.

 Here are a few things that inspire me: 

1. Window shopping on the weekends: Nothing excites me quite like going on a shopping adventure on the weekend when I have nothing else to do. Whether I buy anything that day or not, I'm exposed to new things and ideas throughout different stores and I instantly feel inspired to start a new project or improve my life in some way. Some of my favorite places to go for inspiration are:

-Craft Stores (Michael's, JoAnn Fabrics, Blick): Just looking around these stores gets my wheels turning. "What could I paint on that canvas? An entire aisle of yarn? Maybe I should take up knitting. Jeez, look at all of these baskets... do I have a pile of stuff at home that I need to organize? A new, blank sketchbook?"  I drool over these things...

-Book Stores (Barnes & Noble): I love walking around Barnes & Noble. There's something about the smell of that place that is so enticing...is it paper? Ink? Cardboard? Magic? The world may never know.
I love looking around at the coffee table books full of pictures, blank journals, romantic stories, magazines, and even games & puzzles. I especially enjoy the Self Growth/Help/Improvement (whatever you want to call it) section. I'm a sucker for books that encourage women to start up their own business, be financially independent, stay creative, or help to multitask and stay organized in this crazy world where we're expected to be wives, mothers, housekeepers, cooks, maids, chauffeurs, etc. etc.

-Home Decor Stores (Kirkland's, Pier 1, Home Goods): Because what's more inspiring than a cushy pillow paired with a plush throw blanket and bedside lamp? Not to mention the frames and wall decor filled with inspirational quotes, mirrors, and trinkets that I can just imagine all over my house (while my husband wonders how these things are multiplying and where I've moved HIS things)

-Coffee Shops or Cafes (Caribou, Starbuck's, Panera): The smell of the coffee, the people, the hustle and bustle of people rushing in from the frigid Minnesota weather outside. I just love everything about it. And since I'm from Minnesota, I'm a Caribou girl, ALL THE WAY. Ain't nobody got time for that Starbuck's line. Unless Caribou is out of reach. Then fine, I'll deal with it.  

2. Pinterest: This is a given. It has everything. Home decor, clothing, art, photography, fashion sketches, travel information, inspirational quotes, links to gift ideas. Just about everything you need to stay inspired.  

3. Connecting with people, in real life: My friends, my family, my nephew, my in-laws. People inspire me. I'm a huge people person and I often struggle if I've gone without human contact for more than 2 hours. Getting out in real life connecting with people and having conversations is thrilling to me. There are too many people in this world and too many ideas going around to be trapped in your own thoughts. If you need help, don't just rely on your own brain to get you through a sticky situation. Someone out there has a different perspective that you haven't thought of. Go talk to people rather than texting them. Personal contact, facial expressions and body language are worth so much more than a simple text.  

4. Exercise: There's no doubt that exercise keeps people feeling energized, happy and confident. I've been making a routine of going to the gym before work in the morning as often as I can. Even if it's just 20 minutes on the elliptical machine, it gets me going in the morning and kick-starts my day. It also forces me to drink water right from the get-go in the morning. I sometimes forget to drink water throughout the day but when I start my day with a workout, I find myself needing it and remembering to drink throughout the day. Also, when I go to bed at night it doesn't take me nearly as long to fall asleep as it does on the days where I don't start the day with a trip to the gym. Plus, my quality of sleep feels so much better that when I wake up in the morning, I feel re-energized and ready to start my day! What's the opposite of a "viscious cycle"? Cause that's what this is. 

5. Going to church: Something that I don't do nearly as often as I want to, but this weekend my husband and I went to church. Some days at church are better than others. Some days you feel like you've gotten the best message ever out of the sermon, other days you sit there thinking about what you're going to make for dinner that night, what's going on this week with work, etc. and suddenly the sermon is over and you're not even sure why you came because you weren't listening to a single word the entire time. Did I go up for communion? I did? When did we do that? I wasn't paying attention.

But the days where you are really invested in church, where you're actually listening to what's being said and thinking about how you can work it into your everyday life is what is inspiring. Sometimes you hear just the right thing and BOOM, inspiration. This week I heard something along these lines, "As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace. - 1 Peter 4:10" 

BOOM, Inspiration. I was thinking, "What are my gifts? How can I use them to serve others and provide inspiration to those around me?" This is what makes life worth living. God wants us to know we're here for a reason. We're not just wandering around aimlessly, waiting to die.

Take some time this week to think about what inspires you. Notice the patterns and similarities between these things and work these things into your life more. We must make an effort to carve out the time to do the things that make us happy. If we don't make the time, the world will drag us down into its boring, dumb ways. Don't be boring or dumb. Life is too short, so use your gifts to make yourself and those around you happy.

Your friend,

Meghan

Ideaphoria

Sometimes we come across ideas or concepts that stick with us forever. A couple of years ago I was reading Gail McMeekin’s The 12 Secrets of Highly Successful Women: A Portable Life Coach for Creative Women. I enjoyed this book so much that I have loaned it to several friends who have also really enjoyed it.

While reading through, I came across something that I find myself remembering often. Gail spoke of the concept of Ideaphoria. Immediately, I was intrigued. This was a description of my brain to a T. 
Gail defines Ideaphoria as: 

• The rapid flow of ideas; the ability to generate lots of thoughts and ideas quickly
• An experience where one feels a constant onslaught of new ideas, creating a euphoric state of idea creation
• Also called ‘divergent thinking’
• Often about word association, fantasy, story-telling and analogies, linking unrelated things
• Something that must be and can be managed

After reading this section of her book, I discovered I was in love with the concept. I am constantly coming up with new ideas or new projects I want to work on. I have more than a couple of unfinished projects that were starting to turn out really well, but I was too excited to move on to a new project that I just decided to forget about it. Starting new things excites me. Finishing these things is less exhilarating. 

Gail explains that many people with ideaphoria “can often have multiple careers –copy writers, novelists, teachers, inventors, designers, entrepreneurs, artists, sales people marketers –any career where they can express their rapid, ceaseless flow of ideas. Therefore, they may have erratic career paths, feel unfocused, have closets full of unfinished projects, and may not stay with things long enough to be successful with them.” 

Again, I feel like this is me. Although I’m a graphic designer/production artist by day, by night I am dreaming of being a journalist, cosmetologist, hair stylist, entrepreneur, or freelance artist (where I can jump around from project to project, brand to brand).

She goes on to say that, “Highly creative people quite often have ideaphoria combined with strong intuitive skills, high emotional intelligence, and a keen awareness of their senses. They can absorb things like a sponge, which can make them tired, anxious, and overwhelmed. Issues of self-esteem, lack of self-acceptance, and weak problem-solving skills can undermine the careers of people with ideaphoria, leaving them under-employed, unhappy, and underpaid. Sometimes highly creative people are misdiagnosed with anxiety and depression when they simply need outlets for their creative ideas. They need people and projects that can benefit from their highly productive capacity for new ideas – it is creative imagination.” 

While this may sound discouraging at first, Gail not only explains what ideaphoria is, she gives us 6 ways to manage it and be thankful for it:

1. Celebrate your talents. Acknowledge that you need meaningful projects in which to express your creativity.
2. Come up with an effective way to record your ideas daily, then look for patterns or themes. Focus on one to three ideas that excite you the most right now.
3. Learn to say NO, not now.
4. Clear the clutter in your life. Get a personal organizer if needed.
5. Develop a decision-making process for yourself, coaches or mentors are most helpful. Several support systems may be needed to keep you on track.
6. Review your goals and affirmations each morning to avoid forgetting your current plan and not reaping the benefits of your idea generation and execution.

Check out Gail's awesome website here where you can find a list of her other books, information on creative success coaching and more. She is truly an inspirational woman worth following.

If you think you may experience Ideaphoria, I encourage you to read Gail McMeekin’s The 12 Secrets of Highly Successful Women: A Portable Life Coach for Creative Women. You can buy the book on Amazon here. 

This is an incredibly useful and straightforward tool that has not only helped me learn more about myself, but about the goals I have for my future and how I can (and will!) reach them.  

 Your friend,

Meghan

Mercies in Disguise

In my first blog post, I revealed my experience with anxiety to the world. This was a difficult decision for me to make. I've talked to friends and family about it over the last couple of years but I never thought about publishing every excruciating detail to the public through a blog.

In just 5 hours, my blog post had over 130 views and I had received messages and texts from multiple people thanking me for my post, or telling me they were proud of me for 'putting myself out there'. I also received a phone call that night from a family member thanking me for my post telling me that, "now she doesn't feel so alone." The support I received was overwhelming and I am suddenly ecstatic that I have decided to start this blog!

Last year I started journaling again. I would just write about my day and how I was feeling. Sometimes I would make gratitude lists or lists of my goals for the week. If I was having a particularly anxious day I'd write about why I thought I felt that way and what I might do later in the day to try to reduce the anxiety. I started to feel like the thoughts were traveling so fast in my head that writing just simply was not efficient enough. If my handwriting was lagging behind the speed at which my brain was thinking, I'd lose the thought. So I started to type one day.

I sat down at my computer, opened a word doc and started to type. Three pages later I looked at what I had written. That day was a particularly anxious day for me and I didn't know why. I think I started writing in hopes that I would discover WHY all of this was happening to me. Sometimes I think that I still write because of that reason.

As I was reading through my 3 pages of mumbo-jumbo, I remember the one thing that stood out to me the most, mostly because it made me cry when reading it back to myself. I wrote something along the lines of, "My husband is so supportive. I don't know where I would be without him. He always knows just what to say and has this way of bringing me back down to earth."

I've always recognized the support I get from my husband, my family and friends. I thank them for listening to me cry and rant and go on and on about how I am feeling. But actually telling myself how thankful I was for this blessing in my life hit me really hard. It was like God told me that day, "Sit down, write, and remind yourself of all of the things you have to be thankful. See the blessings I have given you and rejoice in them." 

 Sometimes our biggest blessings in life are disguised by the struggles we are given and how we get through them with the support and love of those around us. This reminds me of the song ‘Blessings’ by Laura Story. She says:

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

In times of struggle, we are reminded of who is really there for us in times of angst and pain. No matter what happens in life, these are the people that will hold you up. I have a husband, a mom, a dad, a brother, a bunch of friends and a million family members (no seriously, my family is ridonkulously huge). I have all of these people supporting me when I need help and I will be there for any of them when they need me. This won't change. Family is a forever thing. I am so blessed to say I have all of this support!

As odd as it is to say, sometimes I look forward to the day when a family member or friend of mine is struggling and comes to me in such pain that they just need me to hug them while they cry. The amount of love and support I have received over the past couple of years has taught me how to love and support others. I've experienced FIRST HAND what it's like to need it. I know what it's like to feel like no one understands and that you're a freak of nature without a clue about what is happening to you. I know what it's like to be so terrified that you don't know what to do. To remind yourself of how to breathe again.

If I've learned one thing about how to stop anxious thoughts, it's that you need to remind yourself that you're going to be okay. I don't know how many times I was told that over the past two years, but it was needed EVERY TIME. So to my future strugglers, I am here and I understand. Now get over here and let me love you! ;)

Your friend,

Meg

My hope

Why blog? Why now?

I've always loved to write. In the past I've considered starting a blog but never did. So why now? Why start blogging when there are so many other bloggers out there who, quite possibly, have a blog similar to what mine will be about?

I'm choosing to blog because maybe I can make someone out there not feel so alone. I'm a twenty-something graphic designer who is motivated, creative, enthusiastic, has life goals and dreams and has all of the world at her fingertips. I have the chance to do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it. I have an education, a degree and because of my creative mind, I see endless possibilities for my life. I bombard myself with opportunity and new ideas everyday. This overwhelms me.

So I want to write about my experiences. I want to write about the moments when I realized I was officially an adult. I want to write about how the stresses of life snuck up on me and how I am managing that stress. I want to inspire others who may also feel overwhelmed with the possibilities that we have before us in this life. So I'm just going to dive right in and tell you how I got to this point...

My first panic attack was March of 2014. I was on the train heading home from where I worked in downtown Minneapolis. It was a particularly busy afternoon on the train. I had an aisle seat and was sitting next to an average, middle-aged business woman.

All of a sudden my heart was pounding out of my chest. I felt dizzy, sweaty and completely confused. I didn't know what was happening. My first thoughts:

"Did I not eat enough for lunch? Maybe I drank too much coffee? Do I know anyone who has the flu right now? Maybe I caught a bug at work?" 

 I scrambled through my bag to find a smashed Special K bar at the bottom. My shaking hands struggled to get it open but once I did, I choked that thing down so fast, people probably thought that I hadn't eaten all day. It was difficult to do with a dry mouth, but I told myself I'd feel better after eating something. I suddenly became aware of everyone around me and felt like they all knew how I was feeling.

"Oh God, what if I throw up right here on the train in front of everyone. What if I faint? Who can I ask for help if I feel like I"m going to pass out? The guy sitting across from me looks nice, maybe he'll be the one to catch me."

I began to think the lady next to me started to notice my odd behavior and I tried to act as normal as possible, but the panic kept creeping in. I looked around hoping to see a police officer that I could go to for help if I needed.

"I have to get out of here. I have to get off of this train. NOW." 

The next stop we were approaching was a pretty shady area of town. If anyone would be able to help me in the worst circumstances, it would be the somewhat normal-looking people on the train with me, not the people at this train stop.

"If I get off here, I'd have to wait another 10 minutes for the next train to come. I have to get to my car eventually. Just stick it out Meghan. Breathe. You can do this." 

I focused on taking deep breaths until we finally made it to my stop. I was so overjoyed to be off of that train and called my soon-to-be fiance immediately. I explained to him that something just happened to me on the train. I felt sick and didn't know if it was because I didn't eat enough today or what. That was that. I headed to my car and my symptoms subsided on my way home.

Over the course of the next few months I suffered 2-3 more panic attacks. I eventually caught on that this is what was happening, but I didn't know why. I began to suffer attacks of anxiety almost everyday for fear that another panic attack was coming. Last time it came out of nowhere, so I should probably just be prepared for the next one ALL THE TIME, right? Doctors prescribed me something for panic attacks but I found that I was needing to treat myself multiple times a day, and the anxiety just kept coming back. This was not panic disorder and this particular treatment would not work for me, this was generalized anxiety.

Introducing the new, anxious Meghan
Established: March 2014
Age: 23.5

"I have everything I've ever wanted in life, I have nothing to worry about, my future looks bright. Why am I feeling so anxious all the time and why did those panic attacks happen anyway?"

Looking back now, I can confidently say to my 23-year-old self, "Hmmm let's see, Meg:

1.  You just bought a house in January, ON YOUR OWN. 
2. You live by yourself. It's quiet, creepy and lonely. 
3. Your boss was let go, you got a new boss, then she was let go. The company you work for and the job you absolutely ADORE, is very unstable. You'll very likely lose your job this year. 
4. You know you're going to get engaged soon. Your life is about to change. You're getting MARRIED. 
5. You better start planning this wedding. I hope you have enough money in savings for this because you're about to lose your job!"

So this is where my story begins. It is now 2016 and I've come a LONG way since then, but I still have hard times. I plan to write about life as a twenty-something-year-old woman. This blog certainly won't be entirely about my anxiety, but I want to stress that this is what brought me to this moment. I believe this experience happened to me for a reason and I believe that I am meant to share it. I also believe that I am meant to share happiness with others. Things that lift me up and brighten my mood. Things that I am certain come from God throughout my day. Things that give me hope and a future. Things that light the fire in my soul.

My hope is to make at least one person feel understood in this event we call a quarter-life crises. Don't you dare think that you are alone.

Your friend,

Meg