The Power of Women

No one can build up, encourage and inspire a woman quite like another woman can. 

I've been surrounded by strong, courageous women my entire life. I have a huge family. My grandma and grandpa had 7 children: 4 girls and 3 boys. Those 7 children all got married. 5 of them had 3 kids, the other 2 had 2 kids. Now, almost all of my cousins have children. My mom was the second-youngest, so my brother and I are on the younger end of all of the cousins. Many of them had 3 children, some had 2. All in all, there's about 70 of us. Christmas is crazy and loud. We play multiple rounds of bingo (with cool prizes) and the buffet table is outstanding.

Of all of the people in my family, the majority of them are women. We've been to wedding after wedding together. We've endured bridal showers, baby showers, baptisms and more. With a family this big, there's never been an issue of finding a baby sitter. I'm pretty sure all of my cousins babysat my brother and I at some point. 

I've been lucky enough to grow up with this family. I've been incredibly blessed with many female role models that I've been able to watch grow up, get married, start families, and continue living awesome lives. I've always idolized them and have dreamed of becoming half of the women that they have turned out to be. In the past couple of years, I've pondered the thought that having this family is what turned me into a woman-lover....in the least lesbian way possible. Seriously though, I'm into men. Well....one man....my husband. Ok now I'm getting off track....

ANYWAY - I've realized that there is something amazing that happens when I get together and chat with my girlfriends and female relatives. I leave the conversation feeling happy, healthy, inspired, creative, confident and all of the happy emotions a person can feel. We tell stories, we laugh, we talk about our lives, both personally and professionally. If things aren't going well, we ask why. We help and encourage them to make a change. We really want each other to be happy. This is a support system that is unbreakable and filled with unconditional love, because other women know how difficult, yet unbelievably amazing your life can be as a woman. The power of having strong, influential women in your life is absolutely essential to your well-being. 

The reason I say to find a strong woman and not just any person is because, as you know, we're completely different from men. We think about things differently. We feel emotions differently, and at the end of the day, as supportive as my husband is and as much as I know I can tell him anything, he will never know the pain and annoyances that come with being a woman. Our thoughts are constantly on the go, jumping all over the place and making us feel things that are completely irrational. Our hormones cause us to be outrageously emotional and can turn any good day into the worst day ever. It's annoying. On the flip side, we can find love and beauty in just about anything. We can see the potential of something so small and we can envision it far into the future in all of its huge success. We don't try to make these thoughts happen - they just do - and we have to figure out how to manage them. 

I've recently made the decision to get together with the women in my life more often. With all of the changes going on in my life these days, I've found an intense need not only to be heard, but to be understood. The women in my life are either going through the same changes right now, or have gone through them before and can help me through the tough times. They understand. We can easily relate to each other because the odds are pretty good that we've done or felt the same thing that they are dealing with. We help each other. It's awesome.

I've discovered just how incredibly important it is to make sure you see the women in your life on a regular basis. Here are some efforts I've recently made to make sure that I see the rock star women in my life more often:

• My good friend and I have just decided to start getting together on Thursdays to have a kind of "creative workshop", if you will. We discuss blog topics, creative ideas that have come up throughout the week, our careers, our personal lives, and anything else we decide we want to chat about. No topic is off limits. It's just a time for us to get together to debrief on our week and chat. This is one of the things I look forward to during my work week, a time to reconsider where I'm at in my life, with my blog, with my Etsy shop, with my career, etc. Whatever I need to chat about, she is there to listen and give her thoughts and opinions. And of course, the same goes for her.
• I see my mom every week. This is not considered an 'effort' for me. It's a necessity. If I haven't talked to her in a couple of days, I'll think, "I need to call mom" and then literally 2 seconds later my phone rings and it's her. She's kind of psychic that way. We have a million things in common and no one quite gets me like my mom does. It's so important for us, as women, to know the women we come from and to learn from them.
• I've recently decided to start reading more "self help" type books by female authors who seem to be the most like me: Creative and motivated with a tremendous amount of faith. Whether the books are about creativity, entrepreneurship or good housekeeping, these women are inspirational and I love reading their points of view. I learn from them, am inspired by them, and aspire to create, write and help others like they do.

Again, I'm very blessed to have wonderful women in my life. I know there are women out there who hate their sisters, never talk to their moms, never met their grandmas and were bullied by really mean girls in high school. I feel sad for these women. Never having a powerful female figure in your life would be really hard.  If there is anyone out there who is reading this that feels like you don't have a trustworthy woman in your life, I would encourage you to seek out a female mentor, friend or family member who you can truly confide in. I really believe it's a necessity if we want to stay sane and survive this world. We need someone to relate to and someone who can justify our crazy moments. We need someone there to say, "Oh, that's happened to me before, it was awful. But then this happened and it was awesome. Fight through it and you'll make it." 

So this week, here is my challenge for you.

Make a list of just 10-15 women in your life. This should be a list of women who encourage you, build you up, inspire you and want the best for you.

Of this list of women:

• Who inspires you the most? 
• Who encourages you to chase your dreams? 
• Who is the most pleasant to be around? 
• Who makes you laugh the hardest? 

Make an effort to see these women this month. You won't regret it.

Your friend,

Meg

Managing Boredom and Restlessness

"Um, Yes, I’ll have the Anxiety with a side of Restlessness please…"

A huge challenge for me lately has been dealing with idleness. I find there are many days where I struggle with feeling bored. I get caught in this vicious cycle of, “I’m bored, I should do something, but I don’t really want to... I’m bored.”

What is this ridiculousness? When I’m too busy, I feel overwhelmed, but when I have nothing to do I become this crazy, anxious lady who can’t even deal. I’m discovering that this whole ‘being bored’ thing is a huge challenge for me.

While some people may crave idleness and quiet time to just sit and watch tv, these days, I loathe it. I'll sit there for a minute or two but soon enough I'll start doing other things, like blogging, coloring in my adult coloring book or reading. If I’m really hooked on a tv show (a couple of weeks ago, it was Making a Murderer on Netflix), I can sit and watch 4 or more episodes in a row. But if it’s just regular old tv (for instance, American Wedding is on TV right now - been there, saw that), I feel like it’s a huge waste of time. My mind needs something more stimulating and interesting. I crave conversation and discussion with friends and family. Sometimes I’d even rather to chores, like the dishes or vacuum, than watch tv. I just feel like I need to keep my hands busy. Is this completely insane? Am I the only one who feels this way?

I’ve been working from home this week and if there’s one thing I’ve learned about myself while working from home, it’s that I need to be around people. When I’m by myself, my mind wanders and in all honesty, I feel like I’m going a little crazy. I know that time alone is important. It’s a time to relax, reflect and meditate. To just do you. But for me, lately – that’s been really hard. I need someone else there to bounce my ideas off of and to give me a new perspective.

My husband and I are planning on moving soon. We want to list our townhome and buy a home in a completely different city. This freaks me out. Even though I am excited about this next step in our lives, it’s a big change. I don’t know what to expect and the anticipation of it is driving me crazy. So lately, when I have idle time, I’ve been thinking a lot about this. But something I need to realize is thinking about it doesn’t do anything. Thinking about moving won’t prepare me for it and won’t make this any less of a big step in my life.

So with that in mind, here are some things I need to work on and some things that I ask you to join me in considering this week:

• Being alone is the best time to pray. If you’re feeling worried, tell Him. If you’re bored, tell Him. If you’re scared, tell Him. And if you don’t know what is wrong with you and why your mind is racing, tell Him. Ask him to control your thoughts and to give you a peaceful mind. If you have to do this all day, do it.

• If you’re feeling restless and/or bored, take this as a challenge. A challenge to rest, meditate and be mindful of what’s going on around you. If you’re bursting with energy and can’t sit still for another minute, go on a walk. Run up and down your stairs twenty times, make a healthy snack, read or color. Do your laundry and finish the dishes. Do something positive with this time that you wouldn’t have otherwise made time for. Make a list of things to do while you’re bored and then do them.
  
  
• If your friend was telling you she was having a hard time relaxing lately, think about what you would tell her. If my friend were feeling the way I am feeling, I would tell her, “Listen, you have a lot going on these days. With taking care of a new puppy, selling your house and trying to find a new one, that’s a lot to keep track of and a lot to think about. Maybe think of ways you can prepare yourself for this move so you don’t feel so anxious about it. Try to go to the gym every day to burn off this extra energy you have. You’ll sleep better and you won’t feel so jittery throughout the day. I love you and you will get through this anxiety you're having.”
  
  
  
• Make a gratitude list. Sometimes we focus on everything that could be going better in our lives. We think about what we want rather than what we already have. Take this time to write down everything you’re grateful for.
  
• Take up a new hobby. It should be something easy that is relaxing and fun for you to do. Any time you're feeling bored, you'll have this new hobby to fall back on.
  
  
• Think about it: Are you really bored? Or are you just wishing you could do something about a situation going on in your life that you have no control over? I was considering this today during my streak of boredom. Am I really bored or am I just anxious? Wishing I could pack everything up and move us TODAY because then the move would be over and that would make me feel better…or would it? Hmmm…  

So these are my challenges for you the next time you're feeling restless, anxious or bored. Use this time of boredom to better yourself. This is a challenge for you, treat it that way. How do you treat challenges in life? Do you give up and let the anxiety take over? Or do you fight, push through, and learn from the experience? 

Your friend,

Meg

Ch-Ch-Changes

So many changes we go through during the course of our lifetime.

I just keep thinking about this transition that we go through during our twenties. Our whole life we go to school and then suddenly it's done and we're thrown into this new world that we really know nothing about.

Here are a few of the difficult transitions I'm dealing with as a twenty-something: 

School vs. Work

We go to work every day, come home and go to bed and then start all over the next day. I understand that during our school years we also followed a pattern. Something like: school, sports, home, dinner, bed. But at least things changed up once in a while!

Our classes changed, we interacted with new people each semester, sports changed from season to season. For me, tennis was in the summer/fall, then it was all about gymnastics throughout the end of fall and winter. I wasn't in any spring sports so then I took some time off and focused on my studies and just relaxing after school. Then it was summer! Oh summer.  No school, sleeping in, and working a summer job. But that was just for 3 months and then we're back to school again! With new classes and fun with our friends.

And that's how our entire lives were from age 5 to about 21 (or whenever you graduated from college). Then BOOM. Real world. Now you get a job and just work there every day. There really isn't an end in site like there was in school with the end of trimesters, semesters, etc. There was always that next semester to look forward to. You knew that if you were taking a shitty class that it would be over soon and you just had to get through it and get to the next semester. But work? No, if you're having a shitty time at work, you better figure it out for yourself. Change things at work or get a new job and hope things are better there. 

Social Lives

As we grow up, finish school and start our careers, we're torn in a million different directions. Our schools, careers and love lives have given us great new adventures away from home and some of us choose to stay away from home. I've got friends who I used to see every day that now live in Boston, Iowa, Wisconsin, etc. Some of my friends live less than 25 minutes away from me but I still hardly ever see them because this whole adult/work-life has taken over. Even weekends get filled up quickly making it almost impossible to make plans with friends. This has been a huge change for me as I adjust to this new life I'm leading. Of course I still see some friends on a weekly basis, but overall I'm getting quite used to just being home with my husband and the dog.

Our whole lives we've been surrounded by peers at school and in extracurricular activities. Even now, at work, we may have coworkers who we consider great friends, but at the end of the day, you fend for yourself. And one of you could be gone or laid off at any moment. I've experienced this first hand. Now I work mostly by myself, which is very quiet. This is so different from my last job where I was around people and socializing ALL day. What a challenge this has been for me...to learn to be alone. 

Love Lives

Dating, marriage, babies. My husband and I dated for 7 years before we got married. After being together that long, we knew that not much would change within our relationship immediately after getting married. However, living together and not with our families was a huge change for us. We're all about famliy and being around people, so living in a home where it was just us two for a while was interesting. We were overjoyed when we got a dog. It just makes it feel that much more like a home!
Combining finances and sharing bank accounts is also a huge adjustment. We're both smart with our money and are good savers, but we also have different priorities when it comes to fun, 'extra' expenses. Should we get a new couch or a new laptop for gaming? You can guess whose priorities are whose :) These are discussions we've never had to have before, and regardless of how well we handle these conversations, they're still new to us. 

Titles

I've talked about this in my blog in the past... Now that I'm not a student, what am I? What am I striving for? What do I strive to be? I'm not a mom yet, but I am a wife. What does this mean? What are my responsibilities now compared to what they were before? Our roles and expectations change so much in our twenties. I feel like I'm in an awkward stage between teenager and full blown adult. Yes, I'm an adult. But some days it still feels like I'm just pretending. Some days it feels like I'm just playing house and have to leave and go home soon. 

Career Path

Since college graduation, I've had 4 jobs. I only chose to leave one of those jobs, the other two were taken from me due to lay offs or their inability to hire me due to a low budget. That's 4 jobs in 4 years. A few thoughts some of us have about work: Am I in the right field? Is this where I belong? Should I go back to school? Now would be the time to do it. Is this really what I want to do? If I'm going to change I should do it now while I'm still young! Ahh! The pressure!
Things are different now. We don't get jobs and stay in them for 30+ years like our parents did. We have every opportunity in the world available to us leaving us with literally thousands of options for a career choice. Trying to figure out what you really want to do it exhausting. 

Living Situation

Some of us live with our parents. Some of us live with roommates in an apartment. Some of us live with our significant other in our grandma's basement. And some of us are married and live in a townhome with our spouse. Where do we go from here? Is there where we're going to stay? Most likely, no. We have plans to move someday. 

My husband and I are getting more and more serious about buying a home this year. So many discussions have occurred surrounding this topic. Where do we want to live? Where do we plan to work? Do we plan to stay at our current jobs? How long of a commute are we willing to have? When you're trying to figure out your career and home life at the same time, it can make for an exhausting day. Hence, why I mostly want to be in bed by 9pm every night.

I look forward to the day when I finally feel settled and comfortable with the fact that I am an adult and I will be an adult the rest of my life. For now, I'm caught in the middle and feeling like this isn't real. There's gotta be a way to go back to how I used to feel, when things were simple.

I'll get there, but it's hit me awfully hard lately that there is no going back. And that's a good thing. I don't want to go back. But since I'm not sure what's coming, it makes me nervous. I don't know what "classes I'll have next semester" and I don't know my "graduation date". Things have always been so laid out for us. How do we adjust to making big decisions on our own and making our own calendar of plans? What a responsibility!

 Life is hard, but we are strong enough to push our way through it and enjoy the little things that each
day brings.

Your friend,

Meg

Sleeping Beauty

I want to talk about sleep. I was thinking about it this morning and thought, "Do I really feel this passionate about sleep? Enough to blog about it?" The answer is yes. Always yes, when it comes to sleep.

I was talking with my husband last night about how excited I was to go to sleep. I had had a great day. I felt energized, happy and content for the majority of the day, but by 8:30, I was completely and unquestionably POOPED. 

I thought to myself, I should not be this tired. It's only 8:30.  If I go to bed now, I'll get almost 10 hours of sleep. Isn't that a lot? I should stay up until at least 9:30...that's acceptable right? Some people don't go to bed until midnight every night. How do they do that? I can hardly keep my eyes open over here! I was literally trying to convince myself to stay awake because I was under the impression that no one goes to bed this early on an average weeknight. Stay up, you can do it!

 My whole life when I've slept in later than others, whether it be when I was living with my parents, having a sleepover with friends, or spending the weekend at the cabin, I would finally wake up and get the old, "Well good morning, sleepy head!" or "Wow, you must've been really tired."

These comments leave me feeling guilty. Why is everyone else wide awake and here I am, my eyes fighting not to roll back into my head. If I lay on the couch, I'll be out for sure. I feel like I should've been up by now, getting ready and getting my day started. Think about all of the time you're wasting in bed. You could be running errands, getting groceries, starting laundry or cleaning the house!

At night it's no different. On the weekends we'll be out with friends or watching a movie and I'm ready to hit the hay around 9:30. Come on, Meghan. You have to make it to at least 11:00. It's the weekend! Have another drink! 

So I have another glass of wine, which causes me to pass out on the couch at 9:45. I just can't win!

The fact of the matter is... women need more sleep than men. I was overjoyed the day I learned this. I knew I slept more than my husband but I always wondered why? How is it that he can hop out of bed with tons of energy on a Saturday morning and I stay in bed and fall right back asleep for another solid 2 hours? 

According to this website, “The more of your brain you use during the day, the more of it that needs to recover and, consequently, the more sleep you need. Women tend to multi-task — they do lots at once and are flexible — and so they use more of their actual brain than men do. Because of that, their sleep need is greater. A man who has a complex job that involves a lot of decision-making and lateral thinking may also need more sleep than the average male — though probably still not as much as a woman.”

Hallelujah!  I knew I wasn't crazy. 

I'm no stranger to my own brain. It races, runs, jumps and jogs all over the place throughout the day, especially within the past year or so. I'm in my mid-twenties, attempting to figure out life and my career path.  My brain is working tons of overtime and the way I choose to pay it - is with sleep.

When I get 8, 9, or even 10 hours of sleep, I DO wake up completely energized and ready to start my day. I'm in a fabulous mood, I feel inspired and ready to take on anything that comes my way. I'm much more productive and more likely to ask others if they need help with anything going on in their lives. So basically, when I get more sleep, everyone wins!

 A few other interesting statements from the article on the website listed above:

• “We found that for women, poor sleep is strongly associated with high levels of psychological distress and greater feelings of hostility, depression, and anger. In contrast, these feelings were not associated with the same degree of sleep disruption in men.” (Duke Magazine)
  
• "...not only do women need more sleep, but they also tend to suffer more when they do not get the sleep they require."
  
• How to Improve Sleep Quality
• There are many different ways to improve sleep quality. Everyone is different; these tips will work for some but not for others.
• Set a Routine — If one sets a sleep routine, it will be easier for the brain to recognize when to slow down and relax. This could improve sleep quality.
• Avoid Stimulating Foods — There are some stimulants in our foods that should be avoided before bed like caffeine (coffee), theobromine (cacao or chocolate) and sugar. Such stimulants can make falling asleep more difficult.
• Meditation — Many women have a hard time falling asleep because their brains will not stop. Practicing simple meditation will help the brain settle and prepare for relaxation.
• Yoga — Practicing some simple yoga poses meant to ready the body and mind for sleep may also prove helpful. Here are 6 Relaxing Yoga Poses to Help You Sleep.
• Melatonin — Take 1-3 mg of melatonin an hour before bedtime.

  
So here's the takeaway...when you're tired, go to bed. If it's in the middle of the day, take a half hour power nap. Sleep is so important. You're not wasting time away and you're not being lazy. You're powering your brain up so that when you're awake, you can be the best, most productive YOU. If you need 4 hours of sleep per night to be that person, fine. If you need 11 hours, awesome. Whatever YOU need, just get it and then get out there and tackle your day!

Your friend,

Meg